Lately…

“Through the blur, I wondered if I was alone or if other parents felt the same way I did – that everything involving our children was painful in some way. The emotions, whether they were joy, sorrow, love or pride, were so deep and sharp that in the end they left you raw, exposed and yes, in pain. The human heart was not designed to beat outside the human body and yet, each child represented just that – a parent’s heart bared, beating forever outside its chest.” -Debra Ginsberg

Parenting…it’s been real hard this past month, real hard. I honestly don’t even know where to begin. Truthfully, I just feel like my life is in complete shambles right now. Parenting has been so trying and so unbelievably exhausting – EXHAUSTING. I feel like I wake up every morning telling myself, “new day, new attitude,” and just end up failing myself, but most importantly, failing my kiddos.

Call me crazy, because I know you will, but I’m kind of blaming some of this craziness on Mercury Retrograde. I mean, because we all know how things roll during those weeks (especially for kids). But on a more serious note – I blame this on Thurman getting all of his molars, Ronin getting all of his 6 year old molars, Ronin being in between a little kid and a big kid, and honestly just life. At the end of the day, this is what parenting life is all about – ups and downs, the crazy, the messiness and all the beauty mixed together.

I absolutely love this journey, but I think we can all agree on the fact that it is HARD.

I feel like lately I’ve been going crazy – as if my emotions are just all over the place – sad, mad, happy, exhausted, crazy, excited. Life with you, Ronin, has been one of the most beautiful things that has ever happened to your dad and I, but this past month – HOLY SHIT. You have literally tested every single bone in our body. I don’t know what’s going on, honestly. I don’t know if it’s this in between “I’m still a little kid but also leaning towards being a big kid” stage, summer time blues, the lack of sleep you’ve gotten this summer…I don’t know. But, the attitude and the talking back is so foreign to us and we are at a complete loss right now.

If I’m being totally honest right now, I’m chalking it up to you just having this crazy growth spurt and this is just going to phase out soon. I’m praying, meditating on crystals, whatever crosses my mind – I’m doing it, LITERALLY.

But you know, we haven’t been the greatest examples for you. Your mama and dad, when they fight, we raise our voices and have an attitude. So, it’s something you’ve learned, through us. It’s a constant back and forth banter with you or with us – that’s not how it should be. We shouldn’t be yelling, raising our voices, having attitudes, and such. That’s not us.

We are far from perfect, and we are probably going to mess this parent shit up more often than not, but I just hope you remember how much your parents love you and how much we really are trying. I know this past month (maybe even longer if I actually sit and think about it) hasn’t been easy for either of us, but all we can keep doing is resetting our day and keep pushing forward…positively.

Today is August 21, 2017 – I promise I will do better from here on out. I promise to snatch my patience back because I know I lost it somewhere down this parenting road. I know that things haven’t been easy and that we’ve ALL been on edge, but one thing is FOR SURE – we truly love each others guts and adore one on another. I know that in order for you to change your attitude, patience, listening skills, etc – WE have to lead the way for you and your brother.

I know that for almost FIVE whole years it was just us three, us three. On top of that, I stayed home with you – all the time. Your life was completely altered whenever your brother came into the picture. I know that you love and adore your brother, but I also know that you’ve been getting a tad bit annoyed with him lately. I mean, the fighting between you is kind of funny but also a little sad/annoying. Shit, I just hope you know I’m trying to balance it all out between you two, because just as much as thiss whole thing is new for you, it is 100000% new for us too.

Parenting is hard, but it’s such a magical thing to experience – if you want that.

Any ways, my point for this whole post is this – I know that it hasn’t been easy. Parenting has been so taxing, so exhausting, but it will all level out. I just know it. We are all working on it. We are all all aiming to be better versions of ourselves. I know it will take time AND consistency, but I know that we will find peace within all of us. I know that this is just a phase, and soon enough this chapter will end and we will have all grown so much from all of this.

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2 Comments

  • Reply Kayla

    <3 keep your patience with yourself and the process. Sending you big hugs as you navigate onwards to easier days ahead. Xoxo

    08/22/2017 at 10:29 AM
    • Reply inherlovelylife

      Thank you sweet friend! <3

      08/28/2017 at 12:08 PM

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