You guys, I seriously cannot stand myself. And I mean that in the nicest way possible, too. I can admit, I am seriously the flakiest person when it comes to blogging – I have been this way for the past…I don’t know?? Maybe Ronin? I either get so wrapped up in my life or worse – I get super wrapped up in myself and comparing MY work with other writers that I throw in the towel with my own work. Stupid, right? I know it’s common to compare and recluse, but it is so sad and honestly… not the way to live your life. We are all made differently; wrapped in magical stardust, hopes, dreams, wishes, and love. We all have a place in this world, and each of us has a powerful voice to share.
I told myself in the beginning of the new year that I would work on myself – I would allow myself to truly fall into the transparency and vulnerability department. You see, I am unapologetically myself, but I have a real hard time allowing myself to be 100% vulnerable with myself and with the ones I love. I’m a crier, but I rarely allow myself to cry in front of others – even my husband. I have carried a shield in front of my heart and feelings for so many years – kind of like Wonder Woman (kidding, kind of). For so many years I had to be brave. My vulnerability deficiency has caused me to lose “some” friends throughout the years, caused me to push people away, and has caused me to close of my heart to so many who love me and who I love back. My transparency with my feelings can be tied in with my vulnerability – I don’t allow myself to be truly transparent with my feelings because I get this anxiety of being shamed or just feeling embarrassed about it all. Which honestly, it is so weird for me because I am a huge ball of emotion mess – I’m hypersensitive and such an empath. Micah always tells me I’m the biggest softy. *nervously laughs*
Wow, haha, I’m totally winded and definitely took this post on a completely different route than I planned for. Basically, I’m back. I have so many exciting things I want to share with the ones who actually care, things I just want to keep in a space for me to remember for years to come, and things I want to open up more about because I know one of my journeys in this life is to help others not feel alone. I’m excited to be back, but to really be back. These past few months have been such a whirlwind for me; lessons, finding ways to not drown, coming up for fresh air, and learning to love…ME.