Many of you may know this (or may not – so fun fact), but I’m such a geek when it comes to all things astrology, horoscope, tarot reading, crystal healing, etc etc etc. I’m into it, and I’ve been into this since I was a really young girl. The only difference between then and now is; I’m more vocal about it.
Growing up I was always made fun of for my “witchy woo” talks. So naturally, it was just something I kept to myself…unless you were also interested in that stuff, too. I remember hearing things like, “well, I’m a Christian – I don’t mess with that kind of still.”
Um, okay…I didn’t realize you couldn’t believe in God, believe in science, and also believe in things like your natal chart. There is NOTHING Satanic about that. Guess what? I have my own personal relationship with God. I’m a spiritual person, and honestly, I’ve always been this way. The conformity of religion truly never resonated in me. But, this is not what this post is about, and I personally don’t want to go on my personal rant about all that.
Maybe next time…
Any ways, I totally meant to post this yesterday, but, shit happens. About twice a month (free subscription), and some other knick knacks I pay for, I get an email from Alchemy with Ambi. *That’s where I got the quote that’s up above this* She’s amazing, sweet, and so insightful. I’m really grateful for the knowledge that I’m gaining through her emails and blog.
I really don’t want to repeat what she posted yesterday (because I believe it is something each one of you should go read), but I did want to come on here and highlight on the things that stuck out for me.
Simply put; change.
This months theme is change, and you know, I’ve been feeling it. I HAVE BEEN FEELING IT. I know that we are currently in Mercury Retrograde’s phase, and just that alone starts to really affect me. I’m very intuitive when it comes to me, my heart, my mind, and my soul. I know when I’m going through major shifts – growing pains. So I knew it was coming…I felt it.
Aquarius (air sign/eleventh sign in the zodiac): “governing friendships, groups/organizations we belong to and causes we support – essentially our soul tribe – as well as our most cherished hopes, wishes and dreams for the future.”
When I got this email, and REALLY read through this – I was blown away. Knowing what Aquarius meant and knowing that this month was all about change. I think I was floored because I have felt shifts in certain relationships, knowing that my attitude needed to change towards myself and others, changing different things on how I parent and as a wife. I’m changing my position in teaching (I’m no longer a lead infant – I’m a lead toddler teacher). There’s a lot of changes going on around me. So again, just reading all that was wild and really what I needed at the time – right now.
I snagged these questions from Ambi’s blog post and decided I’d answer them, be transparent with myself (and with you guys), and share them with you all (just in case you guys wanted to answer them for yourself, too).
1: Where do I feel I ‘stuck’ in life?
Gosh, where do I even begin? I feel stuck in my head – always overanalyzing my worth and potential. I feel stuck in how I mother and how I am as a wife – always second guessing myself. I feel stuck, in a lot of ways, in my past – my childhood. I feel stuck with the nagging question – “what is my worth and what is my purpose?”
2: Why do I feel I am stuck?
Even though we are far from struggling financially – finances get to me…I stress over it too much. My confidence, or lack thereof. Constantly questioning myself, second guessing myself. I personally didn’t even think I’d be here…past 30 (another topic for another post). I also didn’t think I would ever get married/have kids.
3. What cherished goal am I yet to manifest or feel thwarted in achieving and unable to manifest? Fully healing from my past, writing a book, photography, my creativity shining, traveling the world, really loving ME, talking to younger peers about abuse/struggles, confidence in my readings, beneficial/worthy blog, confidence as a mother, yoga…
4. Why do others feel I am stuck? (ask trusted people who know you well who will be brutally honest)
“Because you never saw yourself being married with a kid as young as you were and resented that that happened. That you thought you were destined for much more, but fail to realize you can still achieve every dream you’ve ever had.” -Micah
5. What change do I wish to manifest/experience in my life?
I would like to change how I allow my past to affect my confidence and self worth. I’d like to change who I surround myself with people who have similar goals, needs, wants, morals. But, I’d also like to surround myself with people who challenge me.
6. What do I think I need to change about myself?
Patience within myself and others. Setting boundaries for myself – I tend to carry a lot of peoples burdens, and in the end, this REALLY rattles me to the core.
7. What do others (again ask trusted people as above) think I need to change about myself?
“You need to change…your ability to recognize your worth, potential, and inner/outer beauty.” -Micah
8. What scenario am I experiencing over and over again in a certain area of life?
My childhood, being a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. I allow it it affect my confidence and self worth.
9. What do I tell myself about this scenario?
I would say…that it is exactly what it is – that it is my past and it does not define who I am today. That I have a place on this earth, I am worthy of love and good things happening (and all the good things that have happened).
10. How can I rewrite this script for this scenario starting with my own character and consciousness? Having patience and giving myself more room for personal grace/forgiveness. Practicing what I preach to others – life is a beautiful, painful, and continuous growth. To not get stuck in my feelings and thoughts. That I’m a good person – heart of gold. BELIEVE THAT. Stop second guessing myself and go with my gut. To not be scared of failure. Trust your mess.
These questions weren’t very easy and hearing those two answers from Micah weren’t all that great for me to hear, but it was needed. Try these out – write them down on a piece of paper or in a journal. We are always evolving and growing. Always.